Sirens : Behind A Vacant Image : Psalm Eleven

[Silver Eagle]

Hear the sirens,

Hear the circus so profound.

I hear the sirens

More and more in this here town

The tears flowed down her angelic little face as she sat there in the lonely hotel room, police sirens echoing in the background. She had her head in her hands, weeping gently as the events of the past month washed over her. It was all she could think about, if she was honest. The only time it was different was when she stepped out in front of that curtain, when she heard the roar of the crowd and the ring of the bell. She had kept it together in Phoenix, defending her title in a blockbuster ladder match with Chris Andrew, and she could still feel the shots she took, and the bruises were still visible. But what had hit her today had hurt more than anything else she had ever experienced.

Let me catch my breath to breathe

And reach across the bed

Just to know we're safe

I am a grateful woman

It had been seven hours and fifteen days since Sophie was taken away from her, an unknowing smile on her face as Ana begged and pleaded for her to stay, but she just smiled blankly and left. The Kaisers and officials that had turned up merely glared at her. Words were said, but she could not hear them and she collapsed upon the floor. And that was the last time she saw her, the last time she heard her voice. She was forbid from seeing her at shows, and even when they were on the same card, Sophie was nowhere to be found. Like a ghost she vanished without a trace. They had shared some small interaction on Twitter, mainly revolving around a drunken Twitter argument with Artemis, and the last words sent to her were something along the lines of “forgive me for what I do next.”

She couldn’t fully recall them, nor could she check. Her wife had just deleted her Twitter account.

The slightest bit of light

And I can see you clear

Oh, have to take your hand

And feel your breath for fear this someday will be over

She had been here, there and everywhere in the past few weeks. She had spent a couple of days with likely the only person who knew anything about what was going on, Minerva Janus. It had always seemed that Minerva knew everything going on around her, and it almost felt like she was crawling through her mind when they spoke. Minerva, though her sister Athena despised her, was warm and welcoming, and while she did not speak much she was an excellent listener, which was exactly what Anastasia needed at that point. As was Minerva’s lover, Rowen Kito, though as Starling discovered her real name was Norah Quinn. She seemed incredibly sweet, and was very understanding and kind to a stranger who had appeared at her door in the dead of night. Anastasia had found much peace in her visit, and was even open to sharing her darkest secret, that her father was Bobby B. Barabbas. Minerva obviously knew this truth, and did not hold anything against her despite her recent falling out and war with Barabbas. Quinn had sworn to keep this news a secret, and said it was not her place to tell this tale. She slept well, likely for the first time since Sophie lost all of her memories. But she could not stay forever, and both Minerva and Quinn had bookings. Though brief, she found some inner peace there and felt more like herself again, being told by Quinn that she was welcome back any time. It was so refreshing to see a couple so deeply in love, especially such an unexpected pairing. It reminded her of those early days she and Sophie shared. And that broke her once more.

I pull you close, so much to lose knowing that nothing lasts forever

I didn't care before you were here.

I danced in laughter with the everafter

But all things change

Let this remain

Ana sipped her wine, staring at the piece of paper with glassy eyes. It had arrived today, and she struggled to read the words, words that pierced her mind and broke her heart. She laid back in the sofa, rubbing her eyes as she tried to gain focus, her eyes being red and raw and her vision blurred. Her Mother had tried to help her with positive thoughts and words when they spoke over the phone, telling her to be strong and hold on. Her Father had told her to let go and walk away, that she wanted no part of what was to come and the further she was away from the Kaisers, the better. He had never liked Sophie, and he was likely jumping for joy at the prospect.

Hear the sirens

Covering distance in the night.

The sound echoing closer.

Will they come for me next time?

As she removed her hands from her eyes, she noticed a redness that wasn’t there before. As she peered up into the mirror, she realized that the clear, salt water tears had been replaced with a river of red, flowing gently down her face. She wasn’t shocked, it had happened before, and it was a condition that had plagued her family for some time in the most dire of circumstances. There were sores on the palms of her hands, and her feet itched in her shoes, prompting her to believe that those had been affected as well. She blinked three times, then looked back upon the paper in front of her, then to the picture of her wedding day. She looked so happy next to her beautiful wife, her golden Goddess, her life, her world. And now she didn’t even know who she was. She was a stranger in her home, just a face amongst faces. Ana had become a foreign entity and Sophie was a shell with no Ghost. The woman she loved, desired, worshipped was gone. She had done everything to bring her back, help her regain her memories. She showed her pictures, played their wedding video, showed them teaming together, little videos of days out and holidays. She even showed her the times they had spent with Holly and Kenzie, seeing if she could get her to remember them, even though they were particularly enemies now. She could not. She would not. Even when Ana tried to help her with affection, with soft kisses, there was nothing. And the blank look on her face when she attempted to seduce her was a killer. She seemed so disinterested in remembering anything. Likely another part of Artemis’ masterplan.

For every choice, mistake I've made, it's not my plan

To send you in the arms of another woman

And if you choose to stay I'll wait, I'll understand

Sophie seemed to remember things from a few years ago, which was some development, but that left her pining for an ex-girlfriend. On their anniversary. And she seemed quite happy to tell Ana all about it. She cried so much that day, and Sophie was lost and indifferent to it. She did give her a hug, she was still good at those, but like a lost child she simply didn’t understand. Or want to. She seemed pleased when her family took her away, that faint smile of hers, cold but wide, like a valley of ice in the dead of winter and a look more vacant than ever before. Starling watched her go, screaming. And that was that.

Oh, it's a fragile thing

This life we lead

If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace

By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders

And this was this. The divorce papers sat now in front of her. She was speechless when they arrived, and her eyes became wet and her throat became dry. The paperwork had all been done, and Sophie’s signature was as clear as day. It came with a little note, elegantly written with a kiss upon the end. The basis of it was that she could not remember her, and she believed she never would. There was no point keeping up with their marriage. It was so pessimistic in nature, and there was much else but Starling couldn’t bring herself to read it all. It gripped her throat, punctured her chest, ripped her heart out and tore it in two. But those final words, those final words that told her to forget like she had and let go, those words… those words were harder than any fist or elbow she had received in the ring. It hurt more than a chair or ladder to the face. It pained her more than interference from the likes of Seren, Selena or Ashlyn. It caused more agony than the torture she received at the hands of CruZe. It was far worse than Rachel and Zagan costing her a place in the Cult Classic Finals. And it was more bitter than the betrayals of Holly, Kenzie, Izzy and Wiley. She was death warmed up, and the scythe of those words cut deep and true, and she was practically now the walking dead.

Want you to know that should I go

I always loved you, held you high above, true.

I study your face, and the fear goes away.

She was surrounded by broken pens, having snapped them all whenever she came close to giving up the love of her life. She wasn’t ready. She would never be ready. But Sophie was. That was the killer that she could not understand nor take. She remembered their meeting, the Young Guns Cup two years prior, where the pair of them grew a mutual appreciation for each other in the early stages. She remembered her shock when they were drawn against each other in the Quarter Finals, the despair when Sophie defeated her, and the softness of her lips when she had come backstage to her locker room after the match, kissing her as she sat in the shower fully clothed. Her memory danced to their first official date, waltzed around a precious night they shared in a hotel room, making love for the very first time. It pranced along to when Sophie moved in with her and Holly, to the promise ring she gave her in Japan as they were showered with cherry blossom, the unexpected proposal that filled her heart with love and affection. And then, then the most beautiful day of her life, the wedding to end all weddings, Only happy thoughts. Only the most beautiful moments. Only the most precious of precious memories. Memories that Anastasia would hold on to for a lifetime. Memories that Sophie would never, ever have.

It's a fragile thing, this life we lead.

If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace

By which we live our lives with death over our shoulder

“No matter the time, no matter the place, no matter what,” she whispered, her voice coarse and raw and broken, holding onto the picture of her and Sophie, kissing it dearly and sweetly as the crimson flowed from her eyes. “No matter what… You are my life, you are my world, you are my love. You may not remember, you may not want to remember, but I always will. And I will never, never, never, ever forget. I loved you then, I love you now, I will always, always love you, my Ghostie.” She kissed the photo one last time before setting it down. “I will always love you Sophie. Always and forever.”

Want you to know that should I go,

I always loved you, held you high above, true.

I study your face, and the fear goes away,

The fear goes away,

The fear goes away,

The fear goes away.

And the fear went away, and she had one last gift for her beloved wife. She followed her request and signed the divorce papers. And with that, it was over...